Helping Children Understand That All Feelings Are Okay

Sarah Gabrielle Barajas, Ph.D., PSB: 94027905

As adults, we often want children to be happy. When they are sad, frustrated, worried, or angry, our natural instinct may be to make the uncomfortable feeling disappear as quickly as possible.

But children need opportunities to experience and understand difficult emotions, too.

One of the most valuable lessons we can teach children is that all feelings are okay, even when all behaviors are not.

A child is allowed to feel angry. That does not mean hitting someone is okay. A child is allowed to feel disappointed. That does not mean yelling or throwing things is acceptable. A child is allowed to feel anxious, jealous, embarrassed, or sad without needing to immediately “cheer up.”

When adults acknowledge a child’s emotions while maintaining appropriate boundaries around behavior, children begin learning emotional regulation.

Instead of saying, “Stop crying, you’re fine,” a parent might acknowledge that something was disappointing. Instead of immediately telling an angry child to calm down, a parent can help them identify what happened and what their body is experiencing.

Naming emotions helps children understand them.

Parents can also model this skill themselves. Children learn a great deal by observing how adults handle frustration. Saying, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a minute before I respond,” teaches children that emotions can be acknowledged without controlling our behavior.

It is equally important to avoid labeling children based on emotional moments. There is a difference between saying, “You are being difficult” and recognizing, “You are having a difficult time.” One defines the child; the other acknowledges the experience.

Over time, children who learn that emotions are safe to discuss may become more comfortable asking for help when something is wrong. They begin developing the emotional vocabulary needed to communicate rather than relying solely on behaviors to show that they are struggling.

The goal is not to raise children who never become upset. The goal is to help children learn, “I can have a big feeling, understand what is happening, and find a safe way through it.”

If your child is struggling with emotional regulation, anxiety, anger, or communicating their feelings, Healing Solutions Family Therapy Center is here to support your family.

Visit healingsolutionsftc.org or call 661-903-8822 to learn more.