How Two Things Can Be True: Holding theComplexity of Motherhood

By: Alexandra Garcia, LMFT 123868

When someone asks you “how’s motherhood” or “how are you feeling”, as a new mom, or mom in general, oftentimes we can struggle to identify one singular emotion. Because the truth is we may have many feelings, many highs, many lows, many “I don’t know” what I’m exactly feeling. And that is normal! Motherhood is often presented in extremes: grateful or overwhelmed, fulfilled or exhausted, loving or frustrated. Two things can be true at once and conflicting feelings don’t make you a bad mom.

Our emotions and experiences in motherhood are not mutually exclusive. Once we accept our emotions vs. acting on every emotion and normalize the complexity of our emotions we can then release judgement and shame.

●I can love our children and still miss our old life

●I can be grateful and still struggle

●I can love motherhood and not enjoy every moment

●I can want alone time and feel sad when I am away

●I can feel confident and still question myself

●I can be happy and still experience hard mental health days

Making room for all your emotions can help versus having black and white thinking. Oftentimes you may catch yourself intensifying the guilt and shame with motherhood by engaging in black and white thinking. Acknowledging “both can be true” creates more space for compassion and acceptance. Acceptance that motherhood is complex and so our emotions that come with it. Allow yourself to observe your emotions without immediately judging what those emotions mean.

Ways you can practice holding space for complex emotions try simply replacing “I shouldn’t feel this way” with “This feeling is here, and I can be curious about it.” Start journaling 5-10 minutes a day and ask yourself: “What are two things that are true for me right now?” Talk honestly with trusted people who can listen without immediately fixing. Notice when guilt is turning an emotion into a judgment about your identity.

And lastly, ask for support before you reach a breaking point. Motherhood does not have to fit neatly into one emotional category. Love, frustration, gratitude and grief, joy and exhaustion can coexist. You don't have to choose the feeling that makes you look like a “good” mother. You can make room for the whole truth of your experience. A lot of times new moms feel alone and scared to ask for help. Know that you are not alone and there is help available.

Visit healingsolutionsftc.org or call 661-903-8822 to schedule an appointment.