Learning to Be Kinder to Yourself

By: Sarah Gabrielle Barajas, Ph.D., PSB: 94027905

If someone spoke to you the way you sometimes speak to yourself, would you want to spend time with that person?

For many individuals, the answer is no. We often hold ourselves to impossible standards. We replay mistakes, criticize our appearance, question our abilities, and focus on everything we think we should have done differently. Over time, this pattern of self-criticism can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and chronic stress.

Being kind to yourself doesn't mean pretending life is perfect or ignoring mistakes. It means responding to yourself with the same patience and compassion you would offer someone you love.

Imagine a close friend came to you after making a mistake at work or struggling through a difficult season. You probably wouldn't tell them they were a failure or that they weren't good enough. More likely, you would remind them that everyone makes mistakes and encourage them to keep going. Why is it so difficult to offer ourselves that same kindness?

Practicing self-compassion begins with becoming aware of your internal dialogue. Notice the words you use when talking to yourself. Are they encouraging or critical, supportive or judgmental?

When you notice negative thoughts, try replacing them with something more balanced. Instead of saying, "I always mess everything up," consider saying, "I made a mistake, but mistakes are part of learning."  This doesn't ignore the situation, it simply responds with greater compassion. It's also important to celebrate progress rather than waiting until you've reached perfection.

Every healthy choice, every difficult conversation, and every step toward healing deserves recognition. Remember, you are a work in progress, just like everyone else. Growth takes time, and no one gets everything right all the time.

The relationship you have with yourself is one of the longest relationships you'll ever have. Investing in that relationship is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

If you're struggling with self-esteem, anxiety, or persistent self-criticism, Healing Solutions Family Therapy Center is here to help. Together, we can work toward building a healthier relationship with yourself and improving your overall emotional well-being.

Visit healingsolutionsftc.org or call 661-903-8822 to schedule an appointment.