Therapy and Masculinity: Spoiler Alert, They Aren’t Mutually Exclusive

By Ashley Miller, M.S., AMFT 147555

If you are reading this, you either are a man or care about someone who is. So let’s start here: what even is masculinity? Masculinity is a set of culturally created beliefs about how you should act as someone who was assigned male at birth. Men are “supposed to be” protective, dominant, in control of their emotions, strong, reserved… At face value, these adjectives seem to contradict how a client in therapy is “supposed to be”: willing to express emotions, vulnerable. This contradiction has led to men being underdiagnosed with anxiety and depression: men tend to hide symptoms due to the notion that displaying symptoms of these disorders would contradict traditional norms of masculinity.

So what do we do about it?

The best way to make therapy feel more accessible is to reframe the core components of masculinity as congruent with seeking therapy. 

In Control of Emotions

One of the most frequently utilized therapeutic goals is increasing emotion regulation. Minimizing an emotion is not being in control of it; that emotional pop-up is going to keep appearing. In therapy, clients can address emotions head on and learn to cope with them. 

Strong

Vulnerability IS strength. It takes a large amount of bravery to sit across from someone for an hour every week and intentionally explore the most challenging aspects of your life.

Protective

As the saying goes, we have to put on our safety mask first. It is so important to learn how to engage therapeutic strategies to cope with your own experiences first so that you can have the capacity to protect those you care about.

During Men’s Mental Health Month, it is especially important to name the disparity between men suffering from one or more diagnoses and men receiving therapeutic support. Let’s start encouraging mental health support by approaching with curiosity and interest rather than perpetuating masculinity as a barrier to seeking therapy. 

Interested in learning how masculinity can be a strength in therapy? Visit healingsolutionsftc.org or call 661-903-8822 to start your therapeutic journey.