When Self-Sabotage Is Really Self-Protection

By: Sarah Gabrielle Barajas, M.A, PSB: 94027905

Have you ever found yourself backing away from something you say you want—like a healthy relationship, a promotion, or a personal goal—and wondering, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”.

You’re not alone. What we often call self-sabotage is rarely a sign of laziness or failure. More often, it’s a deeply ingrained form of self-protection rooted in past experiences where safety meant playing small, staying invisible, or not getting too attached.

At some point, your nervous system may have learned that it’s dangerous to succeed.

Dangerous to be seen.

Dangerous to hope.

Because hoping—and not getting it—hurts.

Because connection—and losing it—hurts.

So even as one part of you moves toward growth, another part pulls back in fear.

Self-sabotage might look like:

● Ending relationships the moment they feel too close

● Procrastinating on goals you care about

● Downplaying your successes

● Sabotaging stability with chaos or distraction

These patterns often form in childhood or during trauma, when your brain prioritized survival over thriving. And even now, as an adult, that survival part of your brain may still be running the show—without your conscious permission.

Here’s the good news: these patterns aren’t permanent. But they can’t be shifted by willpower alone. They need compassionate awareness and relational safety—the kind that therapy can offer.

In therapy, we don’t just ask, “Why do you do this?” . We ask, “What is this protecting you from?”. And then we help you find safer, more life-affirming ways to meet those needs. Self-sabotage is not evidence that you’re broken—it’s a sign that part of you is scared. Healing comes when we stop punishing that part—and start listening to it. If you’re ready to stop running in circles and start understanding your patterns, therapy can help you break cycles that no longer serve you. 

Visit healingsolutionsftc.org or call 661-903-8822 to begin the process of turning fear into freedom.